You'd NEVER hear me saying this!

JUDE LAW will be 40 on December 29th, and he's not dreading it.  In fact, it's kind of a relief for him, because he no longer feels the pressures of being SEXY.

He says, quote, "In a weird way, it's kind of a relief to think, 'Oh, I know I'm not that young sort of pretty thing anymore.'

"It's quite nice talking about what it was like to be the young pretty thing, rather than being it."

JUST GET OVER IT KRIS!!!

The divorce nonsense is STILL going on and one of the many things KIM KARDASHIAN and KRIS HUMPHRIES can't agree on is who gets to keep the $2 million engagement ring.

British tabloids say Kris wants it back, but Kim isn't budging. 

They are saying "She has made it plain that she has no intention of returning it though and feels she is within her legal right to refuse as she went through with the wedding.

"However, Kris contends that the marriage was a total sham and that Kim only wed him for publicity so therefore she has no right to keep such an expensive gift.

"Kris doesn't understand why Kim would even want to keep the ring anyway.  It obviously has no sentimental value as she has publicly declared their wedding as 'a huge mistake' and she certainly doesn't need the money."

More deets about Lilo's arrest....

We all heard LINDSAY LOHAN was arrested early yesterday morning at a nightclub for allegedly punching another woman in the face.  

But did you know it may have had something to do with a free psychic reading!

Here is what we think went down:

Sources say a 28 year old woman - Tiffany Eve Mitchelle - and Lindsay were sitting at adjacent booths at the NYC club "Avenue", and at one point, Lindsay told the woman to, quote, "give me my space."  

Shortly after that, she punched her.

Police were called, and by the time they got there, Lindsay had already tried to flee.

She was in the passenger seat of a car outside the bar, but cops intercepted her and arrested her right there.  She was booked for 3rd degree misdemeanor assault and released at around 8:00 A.M.

REEEEWIND TO WHAT LEAD TO THE FIGHT....

She went to the Justin Bieber concert at MSG where One Direction was the opening act.

A source says Lindsay wanted to meet a member of the group - MAX GEORGE.  And he did show up at the Avenue to party with Lindsay. 

But she was getting so drunk and annoying that he turned his attention to Tiffany.  And that's why Lindsay slugged her.  

Max, meanwhile, ended up leaving with a THIRD chick.

Max did Tweet about this chaos, but all he said was, quote, "eventful night!!"

But Tiffany might not have been competing with Lindsay for Max's affection, because her HUSBAND was at the club with her.  And he later told the press, quote, "Lindsay Lohan got drunk and went crazy . . . [and] hit my wife."

Also, Tiffany herself says this started over an offer for a FREE PSYCHIC READING.  Tiffany is a psychic, you see.  And she says she had a premonition about Lindsay, so she offered to give her a free reading.

Lindsay turned her down and told her, quote, "Give me my space."

At this point, according to a source, a friend of Tiffany's started hurling insults at Lindsay - calling her a WHORE and saying her movie "Liz & Dick" sucked.  And that led to the punch.

Of course, Lindsay's attorney says she was NOT under the influence of drugs or alcohol . . . and added, quote, "From my initial investigation, I am completely confident that this case will be concluded favorably and that Lindsay will be totally exonerated."